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Many parents have heard of a discipline technique called “Time-Out”, but most parents who have tried this technique get frustrated and see little improvement in the child’s behavior. Does using time-outs really work?
The fact is that time-outs are an extremely effective way to improve child behavior problems and implement positive parenting!
If you have experienced difficulty using time-outs as a discipline technique, it is likely that you were not taught the most effective way to use it. The good news is that making time-outs effective is actually very simple.
Time-outs are not designed to be used as a punishment, but instead a learning opportunity for your child!
In order for time-outs to be effective, you need to implement three key elements into this discipline strategy:
1. Have a consistent procedure for using the time-out
2. Be sure that your child knows what is expected when using the time-out
3. Always follow through with the procedure
Having a consistent procedure for time-out discipline means that you need to be clear on the steps that you will be using every time that you implement a time-out. You also need to be sure to explain the steps to your child so that your child knows what you expect out of him or her during the time out as well as after. The other key element to making time-outs effective is following through with each step every time it is appropriate…
Using time-outs as a threat to try to correct behavior will not work!
If you use this technique to threaten your child, you are breaking all three of the key rules that are necessary with this technique. So, what should you do to make time-outs effective?
When you see inappropriate behavior, let your child know:
A. What choice he is making that is inappropriate
B. What choice you would like him to make instead
C. Give a warning; if he continues to make the inappropriate choice, he will have to take a “time-out”
Understanding how the time-out technique works will help you implement it more effectively.
The basic guideline for the length of time a child is to be in a time-out is one minute for every year that the child is old. For example, if the child is 5, the time-out should be five minutes in length.
You also should have a designated space to be used for time-outs that is away from other activity and people.
1. After you give the appropriate warning and see that your child is still making an undesirable choice, let the child know that he is to take a time-out.
2. Place the child in the designated time-out space and let the child know that he is to think about the choice he made that got him the time-out as well as a choice that would have been better for him to make instead. Also let him know that you will be talking with him after the time-out is done. (It is a good idea to also let the child know how many minutes he will be in the time out)
If your child gets out of the time-out area before the time is over, remind him that he is to stay there until the determined minutes are up, and that every time he gets up, the minutes will re-start.
Every time the child gets out of time-out too soon, place him back in the designated area. If you have already explained the procedure for him breaking the rule, do not explain it again.
3. When the time is up, go to your child, get eye-level with him and ask him to tell you what choice he made that got him the time-out. If you were clear from the warning stage, he should have no problem relaying this information to you. Then ask him what choice would have been a better one to make. If the child chooses to not respond properly or if he says “I don’t know”, let him know that maybe he needs a few more minutes in time-out to think about the answers to those questions.
4. When the child responds appropriately to your questions, let him know that if he makes the “bad choices” again, he will get another time-out, and after that, he will lose choices.
When the child responds to your expectations, be sure to hug him, and tell him that you love him no matter what. Tell him that you just don’t like the choice he made, and then let it go.
It is important to remember that children do not naturally know what to do, or what is appropriate, so it is your job as a parent to teach them. And if you are not consistent with your approach, you are teaching your child that if he keeps trying, at some point he might get away with something.
So if the time-out procedure does not seem to be effective for you, look at how you have handled the situation from the start and adjust your approach.
